Alone but pursuing dreams.

So today I decided that I need to write more and express what is going on through my life; maybe as a journal for myself but also if I can reach out or empower anyone out there then that is totally awesome too. 

Life! It really can be difficult. One minute you feel so high and happy and are surrounded by so many friends and loved ones that you cannot possibly imagine that one day you won’t have this anymore, and you will feel and be completely alone. This happened to me and it tore me apart. I have cried and I have cried so much that I never want to feel this pain again and I’m still feeling it.

I had the life. Living in a beautiful penthouse, overlooking the gorgeous blue sea, living with great friends, having so much fun. I was happy. I felt good and I was enjoying life. Forward one year later, my friends had left, I was in a job that tore me apart and I felt so disconnected with myself. Who was I? What happened to the girl who used to be happy and have so much fun? She became lost and deeply sad. Then before I knew it, I was totally alone. I no longer had the penthouse apartment, the boyfriend was gone, and all my friends had gone back home to their home countries. All I had left was the job that I now deeply despised. I was doing a job that didn’t nourish my soul or connect to who I really was. 

What was I going to do? My heart kept telling me you have to leave your job. Take a risk. Be brave. It will all work out. If you follow your heart only good will happen. Only concern for me is I live in a foreign country, how do I pay for rent? How do I eat? Where do I live? So many questions. But my heart kept telling me to leave. Just do it.

I spent the year in misery. Crying because I was alone and crying because I hated my job. I didn’t care anymore, I had to do it. I can’t suffer anymore. I was terrified. What was going to happen to me?

I had a dream that I would be a nutritionist and fly around the world, possibly doing yoga retreats and helping and healing others but how do I achieve this? It doesn’t matter, my heart said, just make that move and quit that job. 

And so I did. I had no apartment to live and no money to rent anywhere but luckily for me my friend took me in and let me stay with her temporarily. It’s now been two months. She’s extended my stay until end of November and then I need to find someplace else. It’s been difficult and everyday I pray that something amazing is going to happen in my life. I’m working on that dream. It’s in my heart. If I can see it, it must be there for a reason. I’m still single and without as many friends as I used to have and it’s been over a year now but I refuse to give up. I refuse to settle for the average life. I believe there is more out there and when I find it I will let you know. 

You maybe asking, why are you telling me this? Well, because I want you to take a risk in life. If something is not going well; you may hate your job, you don’t know if your relationship is with the right person, whatever it maybe, I just don’t want you to accept and settle. We are all destined for a great life, if we just have the courage to believe and fight our way to those dreams. I’m not giving up and I will tell you what happens on the other side. Believe!